The Well-Tempered Clavier

I’m off to see the good burghers of Banbury, near Oxford, on Saturday, where I shall be signing copies of The Clavier in Waterstones from around 11am … and shall continue signing until they run out.
 
Idle Tom the publisher was gutted - gutted - that my last Waterstone’s signing was so short, after the punters […]

It’s taken a little while for me to craft a reply to Katie Price’s last e-mail. Katie - also known to her many fans as Jordan - had been in touch saying she wanted to meet up.
 
(By the by, we did a job together in, I guess, about 1996 - and at the time […]

A few years back, I had a root canal on one of my rotten molars. It was unpleasant. In fact excruciating.
 
Did anyone mention Idle Tom the Publisher?
 
"Well that’s another one down," he said. "Another avenue closed to us."
 
"What’s happened now?"
 
"You didn’t win the Romantic Novel of the Year award."
 
"Well Boo-Bloody-Hoo," I said. "When was that […]

I was having coffee with Steven, property honcho, on Friday. He was not wearing his usual pin-stripe.
“Wearing jeans?” I said. “Dress-down Friday?”
“It’s supposed to encourage Blue Sky thinking,” he said. “Thinking outside the box. That sort of stuff. So how’s the book going?”
“Particularly slowly, thank you.”
“What you need is some sort of catalyst.”
“You don’t say […]

It was time to have a conversation with Idle Tom the Publisher - a conversation which, for our own various reasons, we had both been avoiding.
“So, Tom,” I said. “What the hell’s happening with the sales of this book? Is it doing any good?”
“Sales are buoyant,” he said. “Sales are very good indeed.”
“Well that’s excellent.” […]

Idle Tom the Publisher called again. Usually he only calls these days to bait me.
And this was no exception.
“Hello Tom, what do you want now?”
“Just been wondering,” said the idle one. “What are you like to go on holiday with?”
“Mellow. Interested. Cultured. Occasionally I like to have a drink,” I said. “Thinking of taking me […]

Good Jenny Brown, Scottish uber-agent, has written demanding a fresh author picture from me. This is to go with the bit of blurb about me on her website, the better to flog the various manuscripts that she’s still got up for grabs. (And there are still plenty of them.)
 
Now this past week, I’ve been doing […]

Now … I hope I’m not telling tales out of school and …
 
I hope I’m not sharing anything with you that ought to remain private, however …
 
JORDAN’S BEEN IN TOUCH!
 
AGAIN!
 
Seems as if that last cheery e-mail I sent her really hit the mark. She wants to meet up! At the Lanesborough, no less!
 
Can you […]