The Well-Tempered Clavier

One of the most common pieces of advice that I’ve heard over the last three months has been this: "Have you ever thought about getting on Richard and Judy?"

I would say that I hear this particular line roughly about four times a week.

If ever I’m at a drinks party, there will always be someone there who, on hearing that The Well-Tempered Clavier has just come out, will helpfully say, "What about Richard and Judy? Don’t they have the most powerful woman in publishing?"

"Amanda Ross," I’ll say.

"Yes - that’s her name. When she signs you up, then you’ll sell millions of copies."

"Indeed so."

Just to set the record straight though, I have known for a very long time now that Amanda is the Queen of publishing. If she picks one of your books for the Richard and Judy Book Club then you’ll be selling over 100,000 copies, easy.

It was a mate on the News of the World, however, who came up with the best method to tackle Amanda.

"What you need," said Stenson, "is Amanda’s home address. Send a copy of the book to her home address. Write her the most charming letter you can write. Buy the most expensive stationery. And see what happens."

"I like it," I said.

"And do you know what I’m going to do?"

"What?"

"I’m going to get you Amanda’s home address."

And so he did - took approximately one minute for the News of the World to come up with Amanda’s address, so that my little book could dart in under all the screens and the guardians to drop straight into the lap of the woman who counts.

I spent some time working on my letter. Not too short; not too long; a little bit about the book; a little bit of humour. As finely crafted as I could make it. Stenson gave it the once over to check that it looked okay.

Then I printed it all up on my expensive paper, and, with a fond kiss, sent the package on its way to Amanda in London.

I heard nothing back. No surprise about that. She probably gets loads of books sent to her home address.

I forgot all about it.

And then …

A card arrives - a charming hand-written card in black ink - from the great woman herself:

"Dear Bill

Thanks for the book. I’m not safe anywhere now …

I’m sorry but it’s not for us, but thank you for thinking of us.

Best wishes,

Amanda x"

Very kind of her to end it with a kiss.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 12th, 2008 at 7:00 am and is filed under Well-Tempered Clavier. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.