The Well-Tempered Clavier

Imagine, if you will, the Three Kings’ pilgrimage, following their star on the way to Bethlehem to offer up gifts to the new-born King.
 
This, in a very small way, must have been the scene last Friday as Idle Tom the Publisher offered up his gifts to birthday girl Susan (who, as it happens, was fixed […]

Idle Tom the Publisher calls. A little grumpier than usual? Perhaps.
 
But what could have occurred to rock the Chalmers’ boat? Only the previous day, he’d been so loved up, so chatty, so, so accommodating and cheery!
 
"Bill!" he said.
 
"Yes Mr Chalmers, good morning."
 
"You’ve been writing about Susan on your blog! You’ve been writing about the present […]

Have I got a sheep on the end of the line?
 
It’s just that I can hear the sound of bleating.
 
"Baaa-Baaa-Baaa!" it comes. And again, "Baaaa-Baaaa-Baaaa!"
 
Or maybe it’s just me. True, it does sound rather like a sheep bleating - but in fact it is the dulcet sound of my Publisher, Idle Tom: "Bill, Bill, Bill!"
 
"Yes […]

A call from Idle Tom the Publisher. Twice in two days. That’s unusual.
 
He is seeking advice.
 
"Morning Tom - in fact, Top of the Morning, Tom!" I say.
 
"Morning Mr Coles, how’s it going then?"
 
"Oh it’s going just dandy, Tommy, nearly finished Project X. You’re going to love it."
 
"Good - good, good, good."
 
Now - no-one could ever […]

Not heard from Idle Tom the Publisher for a while. Could it be … could it possibly be that he’s in LURVE?
 
Finally, after a week of no calls, he makes contact. Or actually what occurred was that he deigned to answer one of my calls.
 
"Hello Tom, good morning," I said.
 
"And a very good morning to […]

Haven’t heard from Idle Tom the Publisher for quite some time. What ever could have happened? Is he working on some big edit? Is he striking some big new deal? Has he been glued to the Olympics on the box? Or … Could it be … Could it possibly be …
 
"Hello stranger!" I say. "What […]

The Edinburgh Literary Fest is in full swing - and, as usual, I’m in the thick of it.
 
Haven’t yet been invited along, mind, to give a talk, but maybe … maybe next year!
 
Seen a number of shows though, including Danny Wallace last night. A total star. He’s written two fantastic books, "Yes Man" and "Join […]

And so it continues.
 
A phone call yesterday morning - this time at 8.30am. I’d barely even put the toast on.
 
"Well?" he says.
 
"Well what?" I reply. "Tell me Tom, why can’t we start these conversations like you normally do? What’s wrong with your usual, "Hello Mr Coles how’s it going?"?"
 
"Well. You’ve been taking the mickey out […]