Closing the deal
I think I need a course in salesmanship.
My patter isn’t too bad. I now have not a bad sales pitch for the book - can give you the one-minute sale, the five-minute sale, or even the full 30-minuter.
Ah yes - I can do all that. But it’s then getting the people to buy the damn book that’s the problem.
Yesterday, for instance, I was touting my wares at an Independent book fair in Edinburgh. Maybe a dozen people in the audience, listening to me variously spout on and hurl insults at Tom the bittersweet publisher.
And, by the time my 30 minutes was up, I thought I’d made not a bad fist of it.
But … the pity of it! The pity of it!
As soon as we were done, I got waylaid by a woman - and COULDN’T GET OUT!
And two minutes later, all my book-punters had evaporated into the mist. I think we had precisely two sales.
Next time though - next time I’ll be first at the door and standing there with a pile of books, signing away for each and every audience member.
It would take a lot of nerve to just walk straight past me and say "no thank you".
But the really irksome thing about yesterday? The woman who buttonholed me didn’t even buy a book at the end anyway! "I already bought one yesterday," she said. Mon petit oeuil!