Do I deserve a medal?
Stamford Hill, Hackney - home to one of Britain’s largest communities of Orthodox Jews. Idle Tom the publisher was particularly taken with the men’s hats, about the size of a car wheel and furry.
"Funny hats ain’t they?" said Tom. "Do you think they keep their shopping in them?"
"They’re called shtreimel," I said. "The married guys wear them."
"And what sort of fur is it? Do you reckon it’s bear fur?"
"Of course it’s not bear fur! Do you think they’re wearing bearskins like the British army? They used to have them made of mink, sable and fox, but its probably fake fur now."
"Cool! And how do you know so much about this?"
"One of the many advantages, Tommy, of being a Theology graduate -"
One slight problem about the library event in Stamford Hill was that it was on a Saturday - which meant that the Orthodox Jewish community is still none the wiser about "The Well-Tempered Clavier", seeing as none of them are allowed into libraries on the Sabbath.
Best moment of the lot came about an hour after Idle Tom and I had set up our stall by the library door.
A woman came in and I immediately started on my spiel. "Madam!" I said. "Madam! May I tell you about a book? It’s my book!"
Without missing a beat, she said, "Well what do you want - a medal?"
"No," I said. "I want to sell you the damn thing."
Later, it did give my publisher the kernel of an idea. "Maybe I should start producing medals for my writers. Give them a medal for sales of over 1,000 books. And another medal if we ever ran into into a second edition."
"And you could have a long service medal. And a distinguished service cross."
"Yes!" said Tom. "Though not necessarily a cross. Maybe I could get the medals done up in the shape of a book!"
"Very clever. And you could even start awarding Purple Hearts -"
"What’s a Purple Heart?"
"The Americans dole them out to any soldier who’s been wounded or killed."
"Wounded or killed? But I’m a publisher!"
"Mental scars, you know Tom, often take longer to heal than physical ones -"
"Mental scars? Mentally wounded? What are you talking about?"