The Well-Tempered Clavier

Idle Tom the publisher has been like a dog with a bone on this one. There’s no stopping him.

"Look, Bill," he said. "I’ve even written out the e-mail for you to send her."

"Are you insane?" I watched him picking at his spiky hair; he was like a chimp on heat. "You’ve written out an e-mail that you want me to send to my ex-wife, just so that we can flog a few more books?"

"Well, now that you put it like that, yes. Yes I have."

"This I have got to see."

And this is what Idle Tom wants me to send to dear ex-wife Anna, whom I’ve not spoken to in six years and whose book is currently a perfect partner for the Clavier on Amazon:

"Dear Anna.

"I hope you are well.

"I am well too.

"It has been six years since I last saw you. Now I hope we can be friends.

"I do hope you liked the plug that I gave for Daisy Dooley. It was in the Mail on Sunday. On Sunday.

"If you would like to plug The Well-Tempered Clavier too, that would be nice.

"Feel free to say bad stuff about me too.

"Just so long as it helps sell my book, I will be happy.

"Love

"From

"Bill."

I had to read Tom’s draft e-mail a couple of times before I could fully digest it.

"You seriously want me to send that e-mail?" I said.

"I think it works well," said Idle Tom. "It’s nice and friendly."

"It’s a bit cloying, you know Tom."

"I think she’ll like it."

"I very much doubt that," I said as I scanned the draft e-mail one last time. "It sounds like it’s been written by a seven-year-old."

"Look, Bill, are we trying to turn this book into a bestseller or what?"

"Well when you put it like that …"

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