Gearing up to go back to Eton …
Idle Tom the Publisher calls again. Sometimes I go weeks at a time without hearing from him.
I guess this month must be one of those times.
"Morning Mr Coles," he says. "Looking forward to Eton College on Wednesday?"
"Looking forward to it?? It’s going to be fantastic!"
"Excellent, very glad to hear it."
"So - don’t tell me. You’ve not read Project X."
"Nope - not read Project X. It is, however, sitting in the inbox on my computer."
"OK, well fair enough. No big hurry, obviously. What are you phoning up for then?"
"It’s this, umm, Eton talk that you’re doing."
"Hmmm." When conversations with Idle Tom go like this, it is invariably bad news.
"Well, there’s been a bit of a problem."
Of course. Of course there has to be a problem. If Idle Tom the Publisher is involved, then how can there not be a problem? "Oh yes?"
"It’s umm, it’s, umm, like this Bill. The Eton book-shop has just closed down and -"
"It’s closed down?!"
"Yes it’s closed down and we’re having a little difficulty in getting the books down to Eton -"
"A little difficulty?"
"So basically I was wondering if you could pop over on your way down to Eton and pick up a couple of cases of books."
"Gaah!" Irritated? Beyond belief!
"Would that fit in? Just pop over to our place by Faringdon Road, take a couple of cases and do your best to flog the lot."
"Really?" I said. "Tell you what, why don’t you give me a float so I can do all the change -"
"Not a problem. We can do floats. Would 20 quid be enough?"
"And maybe it would be really handy if I popped round the next day to drop off any unsold copies?"
"Yes, that would be very helpful indeed, thank you. Surprisingly thoughtful of you, in fact. I won’t be in on Thursday, but if you could just drop off the books and the money with Lucy that would be great - yeah, in fact that’s going to work out brilliantly. Drop off the books, the money -"
"Not forgetting your 20 quid float -"
"Yes, not forgetting the 20 quid float, and that would be brilliant. Thanks old buddy! And you know what?"
"What?"
"I’ll put you on a 50p commission. For every £7.99 book you sell, you can keep 50p!"