Idle Tom finds the perfect birthday present
Have I got a sheep on the end of the line?
It’s just that I can hear the sound of bleating.
"Baaa-Baaa-Baaa!" it comes. And again, "Baaaa-Baaaa-Baaaa!"
Or maybe it’s just me. True, it does sound rather like a sheep bleating - but in fact it is the dulcet sound of my Publisher, Idle Tom: "Bill, Bill, Bill!"
"Yes Tom," I said. "How I can I possibly be of service?"
"It’s Susan’s birthday on Friday! That’s in two days times! What am I going to get her?"
"I thought we’d already decided that - you get some empty bottles from Jo Malone or Penhaligon’s and fill them up with the cheap stuff from Boots. Not going to cost you more than a tenner. You’ll be sorted."
"Yes I know! But how am I going to get the empty bottles? I need to buy the Jo Malone lotions in the first place in order to get the empty bottles …"
"Well, umm, Tommy, I was hoping you were going to be a little more resourceful than this - "
"Well I’m not. Help me! I really don’t want to blow this one -"
"Like all the others?"
"Yeah - like all the others. No! I didn’t mean that. Not like all the others at all. I mean - anyway, I just want to get Susan a really nice present. Something that will make her happy."
"OK Tommy - now let me think. Let me … let me think. Yep! This one will work. Even for you."
"Tell me! Please!"
"You go along to Cartier on Sloane Street -"
"Cartier? They wouldn’t even let me in the shop!"
"You go along to Cartier, you buy the cheapest thing in the whole place and you get hold of one of Cartier’s snazzy little red boxes -"
"And inside this expensive red box, I then insert a cheapo ring that I’ve bought earlier from the local junk-shop!!"
"You’ve got it!"
"Now this! This is going to work! She’ll love it!"
"I’m sure you’ll be telling me all about it -"