The Well-Tempered Clavier

 

Bittersweet Tom - the publisher. Only he could contrive to have himself pictured in front of a raft of Jeremy Clarkson books.

 

This was from my first book signing session at Waterstone’s in Windsor. Idle Tom came along too, just to see a professional salesman in action, and then at noon … we were off.

 

Team Clavier were ably supported by Carol and Fraser, from Waterstone’s, and I think they were half expecting me to sit there at the desk, like some earnest writerly type, keeping my prim mouth shut.

 

Not a bit of it.

 

First things first: Get rid of the publisher. Tom had been standing behind the desk, arms folded, and generally looking as if he’d just entered himself into a gurning-competition.

 

"You Sir!" I said to him. "Yes you! Idle Tom! Get outside and start grabbing in the punters off the street!"

 

"But I’ve never done that before!" squeaked Idle Tom. "I wanted to just stand here and twiddle my thumbs for the next two hours."

 

"Tom! If we don’t get busy, we won’t shift a single book!"

 

So I kicked him outside, and Carol too, and then Fraser and I started working over every single person that came within five yards of me. It was brutal.

 

One poor couple, young twenties, were sold the book in 40 seconds flat. I remember them walking off, clutching onto a signed copy of the Clavier, with the guy saying, "I don’t know what the hell happened there. How did we end up with this?"

 

Later on I went up to Eton. So far I have a 100 per cent strike rate with the Etonians. Not a single one of them has dared refuse me.

 

However …

 

I have spied a colossal iceberg on the horizon.

 

I may yet be asked back to the school.

 

To give a talk.

 

To some 260 boys aged 13 and 14.

 

Decidedly iffy …

This entry was posted on Friday, November 9th, 2007 at 9:00 am and is filed under Well-Tempered Clavier. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.