The Well-Tempered Clavier

One of the things I learned on Fleet Street was that it is all too easy to ask one too many questions.

 

You might believe that hacks should ask an unlimited numbers of questions.

 

What can happen though is that you ask that critical last question, and the whole edifice of your story comes tumbling down.

 

And in a similar vein … on this minor matter of plugging your own book, it’s important to quit while the going’s good.

 

For instance …

 

Last night, I skulked into a "literary evening" at The Wash in Edinburgh, organised by the City of Literature. I was the only scum-sucking hack there, while the rest of the throng were writers and the like. "But I’m a writer too!" I said to Anna the organiser. "I mean I write a bit!"

 

"So which paper did you work for in London?"

 

"Umm. The Sun. Is that good?"

 

Still - they gave me a free half-bottle of red, and I started mixing it with those literary power-houses, the Literary Vixens. They’ve got a very influential website, Vulpes Libris. Check it out here. 

 

I got going with my barmy patter, and Eve, the honcho, said, "Wow! Maybe you’d like to write a bit for us?"

 

"Love to!"

 

I blathered on some more - and Eve said, "And maybe you could do a Podcast too."

 

"Fantastic!"

 

And then, as I always do, I over-egged the pudding. For some reason, I embarked on a slightly crazy story about evenings at the bingo. Bingo, I’ve discovered, is the perfect first date.

 

So I told my little tale of bingo and first-dates. Self-deprecating. Me the conniving fall guy. Terribly funny, I assure you.

 

Except all my new-found friends at The Wash were all taking this story perfectly seriously, and were … horrified.

 

Now let me see … what was it that Eve’s revolted husband Richard said as I left The Wash? Ah yes, he shook his head in disbelief and said to the group, "What a ******* bastard!"

 

As I say, if only I could learn when to keep my fat mouth shut …

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 at 10:35 am and is filed under Well-Tempered Clavier. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.