Not just "The Perfect Partner", but now "The Perfect Holiday Partner".
Idle Tom the Publisher called again. Usually he only calls these days to bait me.
And this was no exception.
“Hello Tom, what do you want now?”
“Just been wondering,” said the idle one. “What are you like to go on holiday with?”
“Mellow. Interested. Cultured. Occasionally I like to have a drink,” I said. “Thinking of taking me anywhere special?”
“Not especially no.”
“So where are we going then, Tommy, with this delightful little conversation?”
“Oh nowhere much,” he said. It’s funny, but having dealt with Idle Tom for well over six months, I can now detect a pattern to his conversations. And if he starts drawing it out, it usually means he’s got a real stinker … “Oh yes - but now I come to think of it, there was a nice little piece about your holiday habits in the Evening Standard last week.”
“The Standard? Well that could only be one person. Was it my perfect partner?”
“Certainly was,” chuckled Tom. [Just a quick fill in for new readers. By some bizarre computer quirk, Amazon has decided that my ex-wife’s book is the “Perfect Partner” for “The Well-Tempered Clavier”. Strange - but that’s how it is.] “She’s got a great sense of humour. I’d love to meet her.”
“And she’s single too - I’m sure the pair of you would get on like a house on fire. Anyway what’s she said this time?”
“Hmmm.” He riffled through the paper. “Well the peg for the story was Camilla Parker Bowles going on holiday with her ex -”
“Whereupon they got a whole load of D-list writers to say whether they’d want to go on holiday with their own exes?”
“Tee hee. Like to hear what she says?”
“If you must -”
And here it is, in all its glory:
WOULD YOU HOLIDAY WITH YOUR EX?
“No, absolutely not. Holidaying with my ex-husband would be like going on an excruciating date with someone you already knew and didn’t like. You’d be re-reminded of all the petty irritants that led to divorce in the first place.”