The Well-Tempered Clavier

Yet another extraordinary idea from Idle Tom the publisher. I haven’t a clue where they come from. Maybe he’s finally got himself a girlfriend … (that one is a bit unlikely though)

"Bill!" he said during our morning conference. "What about poking the hornet’s nest?"

I was a little concerned by this one. "Poking the hornet’s nest? I don’t know if that’s normally a good idea Tom."

"Not usually, no," he said. "On this occasion it might be justified. Just give a little nudge with a stick."

"OK, well it’s interesting, Tom, and just because something might end up being very very painful, that certainly doesn’t mean that I’m averse to giving it a go. So what did you have in mind?"

"Well …" A long pause. I could sense that he was really pleased with this one. "Since we haven’t had any reaction yet to your kiss and tell in the Mail on Sunday … why … why don’t you send your ex-wife Anna an e-mail?"

"Tom," I said. "That is one big, big hornet’s nest that I’d be poking. In fact it would be more like chucking a hunk of meat into a piranha pond …"

"But it might shift a few more books -"

"And it’d be pretty cheeky too."

"So you’ll do it?"

"Well … What do you think I should say to her?"

"Just give her a bit of a tweak. You know, something like, ‘Hello Anna, hope you appreciate the plug I gave for your book. Now why don’t you have a pop at me, just for old time’s sake.’ Then you could have a bit of a chit-chat about old times, and wind up by saying that, ‘It’ll be great for sales - both your sales!"

"I’m liking it! Where on earth did this one come from?"

"The pair of you could even be on Richard and Judy together!"

"Jeremy Kyle might be more appropriate -"

"And the more she screams, the more you sell!"

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