Revealed for the first time: My new author picture
Good Jenny Brown, Scottish uber-agent, has written demanding a fresh author picture from me. This is to go with the bit of blurb about me on her website, the better to flog the various manuscripts that she’s still got up for grabs. (And there are still plenty of them.)
Now this past week, I’ve been doing a little study of author’s pictures. And, dare I say it, most of the male authors look pretty damn ghastly.
The women, as far as I can tell, try to look slinky and alluring. Always there’s just that little hint of sexuality. Sometimes a big hint.
But the guys! The guys just look awful. I think somebody’s told them that they ought to look "brooding". Invariably they’re wearing a white shirt, dark jacket and have this sort of haunted look on their faces as if they’ve spent the past month pondering the meaning of life and are still none the wiser.
One mate, Toby Young, has pulled it off quite well - in that he’s chuckling away. And so he should, seeing as both his books are jokey; somehow the brooding penseur wouldn’t really be appropriate.
Most male authors, however, have hit upon the "constipated philosopher" pose, and for some reason they’re sticking to it. Do they think it’s sexy? Do they think more women are going to buy their books? Do they imagine they’ll come across as serious and cerebral and win more prizes?
I haven’t got a clue.
Somehow though, I knew that the "constipated philosopher", with a slight frown for the camera, was not for me.
But what might I be able to offer up instead?
Something, perhaps, with the kids - always much more photogenic than me.
Or possibly a pic with Margot in the foreground?
Or maybe even a picture of a much younger me, wistful-like, gazing to some far-off horizon?
I went through album after album. Scanned over countless school photos. Negatives and slides were also given the once over.
And finally … finally I found it. The one. This, I’ve decided is the picture best suited to show myself off as an author … TOUGH GUY!
