The Doogie’s idea
A phone call from the Doogie-Monster. He leaves a message. It sounds urgent. I call him back.
“Hey Bill!” he says.
“What’s happened now?”
“Ahhh. Yes. Well it’s just about your blog.”
“What about my blog?”
“Well… Ginny’s not happy. She doesn’t think you’re being strictly fair to me.”
“But she’s married to you! She knows you’re a whinger - even more than I do! Even Chicken McMicking says you’re a whiner!”
“Well that’s as may be,” says The Doogie. Somewhat primly. “But she has also come to appreciate certain other of my qualities which you have yet to understand.”
“This is all sounding faintly disgusting,” I said. “Can we save it for the desert?”
“Anyway!” he trills. “I’ve had a… A GOOD IDEA!”
A good idea. From the Doogie-Monster. Well. I suppose it’s possible. In the same way that it’s possible that there may yet be some parallel universe out there where I have somehow contrived to end up marrying the Doogie and having his children.
“Yes?” I said. A tone of, I don’t, world weariness. Maybe ennui. Just, you know, a general tiredness with life.
“It’s great!” said the Doogie. “You’re gonna -”
“Don’t tell me. I’m gonna… LURVE it.”
“Yeah, that’s right man!” he said. “You’re gonna LURVE it!”
“Well hit me.”
“Well it’s like this, see?” he said. “We’ve forked out £3,600 for this desert run and we’re going to get a whole load of sponsors for our chosen charities -”
“What is your charity?”
“Don’t know yet, but anyway, the point is that I thought we might, ought, perhaps to consider the possibility that we, I mean I, might not complete the race.”
“Yeah - bit of a bummer having to hand all that sponsorship money back.”
“So what I - we - me and Ginny were thinking is… why don’t we have a film night?”
“A film night?”
“Yeah! Put on some film at the Dominion. Lay on a few drinkies. Kind of like a cocktail party. I could make a speech if you like. And then…”
I was catching up. Fast!
“And then if we don’t finish the race, we still get to keep the money!” I said. “It’s brilliant! We just say, ‘Thanks very much, hoped you enjoyed the film. Sorry we got blisters and pulled out of the race - but they were hurting real bad’.”
“So…” said the Doogie. “You like it?”
“No, I don’t like it,” I said. “I LOVE IT! This is going to be great! It’s going to be fantastic! It’s certainly a better way of making money than having to tramp through the Sahara!”
“Okay,” says the Doogie. “What movie are we going to show? Ice Cold in Alex? The Rise of the Phoenix? The English Patient?”
“Hmmmm…” I said. “Now that… that is going to need some thought…”